For the first 35 years of my life, I thought I had figured out just about all I needed to know of the world. Then something happened. I started to question everything. This was brought about by a massive revaluation of my then relationship of 15 years and in turn my career, lifestyle and core value system. It was the first real crisis of my life and it hit hard – which in hindsight was exactly what I needed!
I remember waking up one morning right in the middle of my crisis and actually asking myself –‘can it possibly get any worse’? I was seeking an answer to an unformulated question, and deep down this was tearing me apart. I knew I was not happy, but as I went through the next few months and started ‘eliminating’ the things that I thought was making me unhappy I found that the unhappiness was coming from a far deeper level than mere physical-plane situations. There was a desire to know. Know what? That was the elusive question. I realised that my work was not the problem. I changed it’s direction slightly, but I accepted the fact that fundamentally I needed to keep busy to keep happy. Ending my relationship proved to me that either being with someone or not didn’t make a difference to a deep down longing for acceptance of who I was in my own consciousness. I was looking for meaning and a purpose; some thing to strive for that would benefit the all – not just me. It really was hidden from my eyes, by today’s materialistic and selfish society, with the distractions of so many other more mundane ‘issues’ like sport, sex, money, gossip, physical appearance and having a mortgage. It took the crisis to blow all these issues out of the water for me and help to find the deeper meaning of life.
The first step was to quieten my mind, and listen to my heart. I found Tai-Chi very useful for this – as it was for me a type of ‘moving meditation’ where my body could still be active, but my mind could relax and go with the flow. I met a person at Tai-Chi who introduced me to more spiritual concepts and the idea of vegetarianism. In hindsight I cannot believe how naive or uninformed I was about our ‘food chain’ and the massive impact that meat eating was having on the planet, let alone the repugnant conditions we imposed on animals as well as the amount of suffering and fear created in the animal kingdom as a result. After I was able to combat my ‘emotional attachment’ to eating meat and also reading enough material to convince me that there is absolutely no fundamental premise to meat-eating as a pre-requisite for a ‘healthy life’, the meat went, and so did quite a lot of a deep down unhappiness. It was as if a huge burden was lifted from my conscience – I was no longer going to be a part of killing animals for consumption. Making such a decision brought about a change in my consciousness, and other issues that I was previously unaware of began to come to the surface. I was starting to open the ‘inner doors’ and explore what it really meant to be human and how I could possibly make a difference with my contribution, rather than what I could just do to make my own life better.
They say that when you are ready for your teacher, he/she will appear. I had finally cleaned out enough of my ‘garbage’ attitudes to the planet and myself so as to invite new higher level teachings to come through. For this, I needed the help of a teacher.
To cut a long story short, a series of fortunate events brought me to the School of Esoteric Sciences, where I now currently reside. Before coming to the school I had only been meditating for a short period of time, and these were guided meditations. They were a great way of getting me to sit still for more than 15 minutes, but were more like scratching at the surface of the meditation mind, than a deep immersion into it. At the school I was introduced to my teacher Bodo Balsys and his writings. One of these writings was a guide to meditation.
As I started learning ‘about’ meditation I discovered a few things. Bodo goes to great lengths to stress how important ‘right motivation’ is when meditating. Doing it for selfish means will in the long term damage your evolution. Also I found that you certainly can’t force yourself, or anyone else, to meditate. What you can do however, is give yourself or others seeds of thought to inspire and think further on what could be classified as more ‘abstract’ concepts.
I had always found it quite a challenge to do a self-initiated meditation. There always seemed to be something ‘better’ or ‘more important’ to do, resulting in meditation being at the bottom of my ‘to do’ list. Then, on the occasions when I did sit down to meditate I would be somewhat lost at where to start, what was indeed important and how to calm my mind’s ‘chatter’. What I really needed was something to inspire my mind as well as focus it in a meaningful way, without too much detail that my mind was prone to get caught up in.
So, back to these ‘seeds’ of thought – growing up in a relatively materialistic culture certainly did not inspire me to think outside the ‘self’ – until I had my crisis. I needed help in being inspired to think of others and ‘retrain’ my consciousness to be more open and loving of our fellow humanity. Within the guide to meditation text, I struck gold. Three simple sentences that gave my mind the inspiration, focus and clarity that I needed to start my meditation sessions.
I could elaborate on these three simple sentences, but I think it would be better if you found your own interpretations and sacred meanings for yourself. There’s plenty that can be meditated upon and you can go as deeply into it as you like, or start with the surface levels to get the creative juices flowing. For me, educating others as best I can, having an open heart and the will to love is the first step to unfolding the enlightenment consciousness – and as far as I am concerned these three sentences activate that on a deep level – and as a result have changed my life. I hope they work for you too!
So here they are:
May my heart awaken to planetary purpose and the need to ameliorate the sickness, disease and distress therein.
May I evoke the will to overcome all hindrances to enlightenment.
May I humble myself before the great Lords of Love and Light so that I may learn to properly serve.
Love and light to all